Singers, Let's Get Away From "Should's"

As singers, our education and careers are full of "shoulds." Well-meaning (and sometimes not-very-well-meaning) folks will tell us what we "should do" to get hired, further our careers, make ourselves more marketable. Think of how many times you've been told which arias "should" be included in your audition package, what we "should" wear to auditions, the kinds of opportunities we "should" be pursuing, what we "should" be willing to put up with if we want a viable career.

I'm going to give the well-meaning people the benefit of the doubt and say that not all of their advice is patently bad or unneeded. Singers of all ages need mentors, coaches, and teachers to guide them, and there are those occasions where a trusted mentor's advice does not let you down.

But there are often times when "advice" can be misguided, unsolicited, or rooted in the systemic issues that plague our industry. And because of the gate-keeping behavior and power dynamics that prevail in many circles, it can be hard for singers - especially young and/or less experienced singers - to know what is true advice, and what is just another "should."

The reality is this: if you spend your singing career chasing "shoulds;" if you are constantly beholden to someone else's view of what your career should be; if you ignore your true desires for your career because you've been told they're not "marketable;" if you continually seek a version of yourself that isn't really you at all - it will degrade your wellness.

Misalignment like this leads to burnout, imposter syndrome, disempowerment, and illness.

Here's the other thing about "shoulds:" if you're only doing something because you feel like you

"should," and have no intrinsic motivation for doing it otherwise, you're unlikely to be successful in the long run. Sure, you might get by on pure skill or grit or whatever for a while, but after a time you're going to run out - of energy, of mental and emotional bandwidth, of desire. And at that point, it's going to become apparent - to you and everyone else - that you're missing a big part of what this career takes: a "why," a purpose, an internal motivation.

If you've been feeling bogged down or confused by "shoulds," I invite you to consider this question:

What kind of singer do you want to be?

What do you really want? If you could do one thing for the entirety of your career, what would it be? Why? Is it what you're doing now, or something completely different? If different, what's one way you could take even an incremental step in the right direction?

Simply stopping to consider these questions and invite in whatever answers come up might itself feel like a scary, monumental task. And that's completely normal, and okay.

If you've already gotten past this hurdle, and you're in the process of pivoting toward something that's more in alignment with what you want, keep going! Just remember: it might still be hard. You might still encounter resistance (from others as well as yourself). But it will be different because you are choosing it.

Adopt a New Mindset

These kinds of mindsets can be really hard for singers to embrace. Our education and careers have instilled such a scarcity mindset in us, an "at-all-costs" mentality, that drives us to do whatever it takes.

Hard work, drive, and a go-getter attitude are not inherently bad things. But they can become toxic when the mindset behind them is one of scarcity, self-inadequacy, or people-pleasing.

Instead, I'd like to see singers embrace an abundance mindset. If you are pursuing the opportunities you want, the one's you're made for - they will come. The gigs will come. The connections will come.

Because - let's think about this for a moment - why would you pursue opportunities for which you're not suited? In the non-singing world, we probably wouldn't apply for a job for which we didn't have the requisite skills. Why would you do that as a singer? Why pursue opera if stage performing isn't your thing? Why pursue choral opportunities if you struggle to blend and balance with other singers?

Pursue things that are in your "zone of genius" - those things you can do all day long without getting tired, or without feeling like you're working. And leave the opportunities for which you're not suited to those singers who are.

The Musician's Mindset Toolbox

These kinds of changes take time and intentionality, as all transitions do. Things like finances, logistics,

practicalities, and work-life balance all play a role and need to be considered. But even if your situation doesn't immediately change, your mindset can.

If you'd like help thinking through these things, I invite you to download my free resource, "The Musician's Mindset Toolbox." It's designed to help you lean into healthier mindsets, think about your unique strengths, and how you can use them for a fulfilling, balanced career. And it's FREE. You can get your download here.

If you're wanting to take action, but feel stuck and need help deciding the best way forward, let's set up a discovery call. It's also free, with no strings attached. You can book a call here.

Let's change the face of our industry - by saying no to "shoulds" and YES to things that align with our voices, desires, and values.